Saturday, April 24, 2010

Insider secrets....

It annoys me when people dig to the back of my freezer to buy the dessert cake with the longest "sell by" date on it. Especially since I know that they are probably going to eat said cake when they get home or shortly thereafter.

That being said, I now give you some secret info:

I have a freezer in the back, where I pull my cakes from.

I date them when I put them out on the floor, not when they come in. So this means, that "later dated" cake you dug to the back of the freezer for, probably came from the same case that the others ones did. HA HA jokes on YOU.


Oh and since all of you assholes take the later dated cakes....have no fear, you still eat the closer dated ones...I cut them for cake slices.

On a related note, why the hell do people ask me "Is this fresh?"?!?!?!
I F'n HATE this question. Why the hell would I sell you stale baked goods? WHY?! Do you think I'm somehow out to get you, one stale pastry at a time. For one thing, that would be REALLY lame, I could come up with much better ways to torment you. And secondly, I just don't care that much.


Stayin' "fresh",

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Just so you know....

....since I am forced to help in the deli by slicing meat and making subs, it would really help me out if you would GET OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE and let me help you.

Because if you don't one of two things will happen.

1. I will flat out IGNORE you until you hang up
2. I will ask you so many questions (loudly) that it will no doubt ruin whatever conversation is it that you are having.

(oh yeah and you two soccer moms that start yappin at each other in front of the deli counter-same rules apply to you.)

So go ahead, complain on me because YOU are being rude.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

And now for something a little different....

Today, I have a day off.
Obviously, if I'm not at work, nothing strange, annoying or funny can happen.

So today I'm gunna shout out to my fave assistant deli/bakery manager who's last day was today.

Before I show you the cake I made for him, you need to know a few things.

1. He is full blooded Korean.

2. He was adopted by a British man, who is also Jewish.

3. He speaks perfect English.

4. We make fun of him in hilarious, yet extremely offensive ways. And since he's awesome, he goes along with it, even making fun of himself.

That being said, today I presented him with this:

The sign in the upper left has "good luck" written in Korean. Underneath it says "(good ruck)". And the other sign says "to our favorite Asian, we will miss you."

And before anyone says anything, I am aware that sushi is Japanese, NOT Korean. If it was Asian, we made fun of him about it. Chinese, Laotian, Japanese...didn't matter. We even throw in jokes about being Jewish, adopted, and sometimes British. And of course we would always speak Engrish when talking to know, so he'd understand.

Damn, I'm gunna miss all the f'd up shit we say to him.

*sniffle sniffle*

We'll miss you, Godzirra...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Madame Buttercreme's pyschic hotline...

Hello all!

Everyday I receive calls for cake orders, and today I received an interesting one.

*ring ring*

me: "bakery this is (my name), how may I help you?"

customer(we shall call her Raspy because her voice sounded as if she smoked for 80 years): "Yes, I need to order a cake."

me: "sure, what day would you like to pick it up?"

raspy: "can I get it today?"

(at this point, I get irritated, like I always do when people call in last minute. Since it's Monday and I'm not busy, I get over it quickly....and I'll save my rant about last minute orders for another day.)

me: "sure, no problem, what would you like?"

(at this point I get all the basic info from her: size, icing, decorations and then we get to the writing...)

me: "OK ma'am, now what would you like written on it?"

(keep in mind, I know this customer and I know she puts EVERYONE'S name on her stupid cake, which is another pet peeve of mind, but again, I'll save that for another day.)

raspy: "Happy Birthday (kid). Love, Mom, Grandmom, (other guy), and (other guy).
But you forgot (kid)'s name on my last make sure you get everyone on there this time."

(WTF?!?!?!? this point I'm sure I have a bit a attitude...)

me: "well ma'am, I decorated your cake last time, and I assure you I wrote exactly what you told me to, so if (kid)'s name was not on the cake, it's because you didn't include (kid) in the order.

(and I finish the order, and hang up.)

Ya know, it probably was my fault. I didn't bring my psychic abilities to work that day, so I couldn't foresee that raspy forgot to include (kid) on her cake. Oh wait! Let me use my photographic memory so I can remember all of your family members for your NEXT cake...cause you, raspy, are the ONLY customer I's not like I have hundreds of orders every month....

...and by the memory SUCKS!!!


Sunday, April 18, 2010

Maybe you should ASK before you complain...

Slow day at work.

Did have one woman start to flip out on me because the tag on her cake said 1/2 sheet white cake...she ordered marble.

As the pink hair on her head started to steam, I explained to her that I print that tag, out of habit, and place it on every 1/2 sheet special order I make. It's just what I do. And in the two years I've worked for this store, it's never been a problem.

She still looked doubtful, like I DIDN'T decorate the damn thing.
Trust your cake decorator, people. If I decorated your cake, then I probably know what flavor it is.

Maybe you should spend more time trying to remember what your natural hair color is, cause I'm pretty sure it's not hot pink.

At least her hair matched her outfit...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Ok, I've been drinking....

My husband says I need a hobby. My husband also hates hearing me bitch about my job working in a grocery store bakery. I am a cake decorator. I love my job....don't get me wrong....but anyone who has ever worked in a grocery store knows one SUCKS!

At this point I would like to apologize if I don't make any sense cause like I said I have been drinking....

OK...I started a blog...but for it to make sense to anyone who hasn't worked in a grocery store deli, I need to explain A LOT. It would take way too much time to catch you guys up on all the shit that has been going on in the particular deli/bakery(which shall remain nameless), so I will just start off with the rant of the day: photo cakes.

What better way to start off my new blog than with my number one hated cakes design idea: photo cakes. I'm sure the person who developed the technology had the right idea.

"ooh I can eat....ME!"

Besides being creepy...think-you're cutting into your own loved ones face...the photo cake machines can serve useful purposes. I have used them to put images on a cake that I didn't have time to draw by hand. And I am fond of photos on cakes when they are significant...i.e. if the birthday boy is turing 50 and you put his first birthday photo, it's sweet...I get it. I'm not devoid of human emotions...i go "awwww" at puppies and kitties too.

However, you're second cousin at the NASCAR race half drunk on budweiser is NOT cute on a cake.

(I would also like to say at this time, unaware that I was staring a blog tonight, was not prepared with visual aids....HAVE NO FEAR! I will be posting pictures on upcoming blogs...)

And for anyone out there who is considering a photo cake for the upcoming graduation of a loved one....

They are called copyrights. Photographers have them....and you CANNOT have ME copy your son/daughters graduation picture without permission.
I have seen this over and over, and looking at said pictures I can understand that you are amazed that your spawn even graduated....but I still can't copy your picture legally...sorry!

ok...I guess I'm done ranting and raving till tomorrow...and trust me, you ain't seen nothing yet!

I'm just drinkin' and my 7&7 looks lonely...

till tomorrow kids!

The Buttercream Queen